LIFE changing experience (a pun)

HI! So, I am going to do my very best to put into words the experience that I had this weekend. I went through a program called LIFE. Leadership Initiative For Excellence. This is no ordinary leadership program. It was, in a lot of ways, like a boot camp.
It began on Thursday evening around 4:30. We had a session about our brain pretty much and then around 6 we headed downstairs and met our trainers for this event. That perhaps, one of the scariest if not the scariest, events to ever happen in my life. These trainers came into the dining room, practically yelling our instructions at us. We ate and then moved into the De Marchi room where the program would take place. Our first task was to give a 3 minute speech on open-mindedness. We had 5 minutes to prepare and once we were done we weren't allowed to use our notes. Once we were called up and afer we were done speaking, Ms. Baggio (we were not allowed to use first names at all, my name tag has Ms. Raff on it) pretty much tore into everyone of us about our poor performance. The tension was extremely high on Thursday night. The objective for our first task was to project...and just get us use to the process. I was literally in fight or flight mode that night. Half of me wanted to pull out of the program and the other half wanted to yell back at our trainers. By the end of our first session I was just ready for bed. It ended on a positive note though. We got into a reflective circle with our trainers and we calmed down and the trainers used their inside voices, which was really nice to hear.
We had to be seated in the dining hall by 6:55 the next morning and we didn't even finish the night before until around 12:30. Needless to say, I'm not a morning person at all and I was a little bit in a bad mood that morning. Unfortunately, this did me no good because our first exercise that morning was to be enthusiastic. We had to pretend like we had just won 50 million dollars and show our enthusiasm. I had a huge issue with this exercise. I'm not really an enthusiastic person to begin with, especially in front of a group of 22 peers and 5 adults. So, I failed on my first attempt and had to do it over at the end. It was about being loose and getting out of your own head. Which is why I had a problem with it.
The afternoon session was better. It was a little more relaxed than that morning. My team was becoming more comfortable with each other but according to our trainers we still weren't acting like a team, we were acting like a bunch of individuals. That was frustrating to hear. We started working on our basic beliefs and our mission statement. I really enjoyed that. My 6 basic beliefs are family, spirituality, passion, compassion, forgiveness and learning. My mission statement is this: I am a spiritual, compassionate, forgiving, family-oriented person so that I can spark a passion in others through learning. That's the other important thing. We had a thing where we relaxed in our chairs and closed our eyes and Ms. Baggio started taking us through a vision. It was completely our own vision but she was aiding by asking things like where are you waking up? Where are you working? What are you eating? yada yada yada. The vision was placed 10 years from now. My vision was very clear. I know now what I want from life...most importantly, what I saw in my vision that surprised me was that I didn't see myself doing journalism as a career. I saw myself as a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to have a family and live in a 2 story house with a wrap around porch. I'm going to finish my degree in PR and broadcasting because I still love it. But I'm going to apply to grad school and get my master's in elementary education.
The evening was very hard for me, actually. We wrote down a barrier to leadership that we had on a piece of board so that we could physically break through that barrier. I went up to break my board and found myself struggling. I was inside my head and I thought, there is no way I can break this stupid thing. I tried like 5 or 6 times and couldn't get it. I hurt my wrist in the process because I was hitting it incorrectly. Now, I have a lovely welp on my right wrist. I walked away, feeling defeated by a stupid piece of plywood. I went back up there though after everyone else had gone. I could feel the love and support around me. I felt everyone on the edge of their seat, anticipating what I was about to do. I got into position on the floor. I took like 3 minutes and focused, tears streaming down my face. Partially from fear of defeat and partially from the love I was feeling from my team. I lifted my right arm and swung it straight down onto my board. It snapped in 2 on the first try this time. I didn't even realize I broke the dang thing until I looked down. Applause just roared through the air and I began to cry even more. After that, we played a game that is now my favorite thing in the world. I learned the importance of showing your appreciation for others by playing what Sara and I call the hugging game. Half of us stood around the room, the lights were dimmed, and our eyes were closed and the other half came and hugged us. We took turns in giving and recieving the hugs. Each turn lasted like 10 or 15 minutes. The only struggle with this game was those who were recieving the hug was not allowed to reciprocate. When I was standing there frozen, I felt the love and appreciation from so many, including our trainers. We had some great huggers in our team! I had a group hug, with 4 people all around me. I honestly think it was my trainers. But as I stood there, I couldn't keep from crying because it felt so good to have that love around me. Then we got into groups of 3 and acknowledged each other on our accomplishments thus far. Something that one of my team members, Nick, said to me was really moving. He told me that he thought it meant more to all of my team members for me to have finally broken my own board with the struggle that I had than to have broken their own boards. He also told me that he thought of everyone in our team, I had grown the most from the experience.
The next morning was our hardest part. It was the morning of our first final exam. We had to combine everything we had learned from the past 2 days and put them all together. Our chairs were in two rows with an aisle in between them. I had to give a 5 minute speech about how we were going to make a change in the world. I had to project, be enthusiastic, talk about my vision, talk about my plan, get out of my head, have a pleasant expressionon my face and I couldn't stand still. I had to not walk, and not necessarily run either, up and down the aisle for the entire length of my speech. Having asthma, this was quite difficult. I got up and honestly, I couldn't tell you what I did. I moved back and forth and breathed when I could. I kind of hopped around some. I just remember being in flow, which was something else we learned. I remember crying when I started talking about the family that I want to have 10 years from now. I remember I could barely hear myself think much less hear myself projecting over the roar of my team. I remember looking into my peers eyes and seeing the love and encouragement and most of all, I remember being told that I had passed my first final exam for the program after my first shot of doing the speech thing.
My second and last final exam was that afternoon and it was in front of an audience. It occured right before my graduation. I had to memorize a poem and we had to recite it. There, was of course, a catch. It was to be recited with projection over the crowd...and the crowd was quite loud. We had to focus on Mr. Folle. We had to stare him down and just belt out this poem. My mind went blank so many times, I felt scared that I wouldn't pass. I focused and kept my eyes on him though and just plowed through with Ms. Ariens help...she was standing right next to me watching me intensely. (and giving me hints when I got stuck) I got the thumbs up when I was done from Mr. Folle, which meant I had passed my last exam. I was thrilled...and hoarse from all for all of the cheering for my team and projecting.
Graduation went by quickly. I recieved a certificate of break through which was very exciting. The most exciting part came though when I won an award. To understand the importance of this you have to realize that this weekend was a weekend that was meant for change and growth and really just full of true soul searching. My team, voted me the star of change out of everybody. I don't think anything has ever meant so much to me. I learned this when Ms. Ariens fooled me. She said that she was going to have one of us announce who the star of change was and she asked me to help her. So I was like sure. I walked up to the front with her and she asked me to start going through what I was going to do while I was up there to announce this person. So I went down the list of what I learned. Project. Eye contact. Power stance. And of course, enthusiasm. So I made a very big deal to announce this person and she handed me the paper with the name on it and it said Ms. Raff. I just began crying. I couldn't believe it. So many people grew so much over the weekend that I didn't even think about me winning the award. Adam Brahl, one of our directors here at CIMBA, was at the graduation. He is the reason I even stayed after my first night in Italy. He is also the reason that I went ahead and gave up a long weekend for LIFE. It meant so much that he was there. We talked afterward and he told me how proud he was of me. Once again, I felt all warm and tingly inside. He is my buddy!
This weekend was full of challenges, strife, growing, encouragement, frustration, understanding and just figuring out who I really am. I am so happy and blessed to have done LIFE. My team was great and the trainers really are amazing people...when they aren't yelling that is. I have so much to offer and I am going to tap into this experience for the rest of my life.